Classic Text Adventure

Interactive Text Adventure
Welcome to Microsoft Help and Support
You're in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.
What would you like to do?

(A.S., V.K.)


21/03/2004 | Vinai

This is a true classic! A pitty many young netizens won't know the original, but even so it works just fine!

21/03/2004 | Ron

This sounds very familiar... it must've came from Zork I game!

21/03/2004 | WaveyDavey

Brings back fond memories !

21/03/2004 | Rick

PLUGH in and chill out

22/03/2004 | MackanZoor

Vinai: So it isn't the original? Interesting...

Funny still though. =)

22/03/2004 | guinnea


22/03/2004 | gafdg


23/03/2004 | Benjamin Penney

Let's hope the parser isn't standard Microsoft help fare...

What would you like to do?
> quit

I don't understand 'quit'. Did you mean 'geology of Africa'?

> exit

Here are the top ten search responses for 'exit':
* Licensing Agreement, details of
* The Start Menu
* Remembering your password
... etcetera.

23/03/2004 | plugh!

A hollow voice says "all of your software are belong to us"!

24/03/2004 | Real NC

Is this the 350 point version of ADVENT?

25/03/2004 | bender

I would like to bend clippey into a tangled mess then through him in acid!

26/03/2004 | Vinai

MackanZoor: afaik the phrase first appeared in the program 'Adventure' by Crowther and Woods. I don't know when that was originally released.

29/03/2004 | Zimri

Can't wait for the "Flood Control Dam version 9.0", built by Bill Flathead...

03/04/2004 | MackanZoor

Vinai: Ah. =)

05/04/2004 | Fnord


11/04/2004 | Eric

How would one procure a copy of this retro game for web browser

23/04/2004 | khjk


23/04/2004 | khjk


06/05/2004 | Patrick

With the build-in help system microsoft ships you a free text-adventure. The company gets better and better. Now it's even partly open-sorce.


13/07/2004 | Fred

IE: In the passages,I'd look for a female dwarf for a blow job. How's that.

30/05/2006 | Der

Erika Nagai sucks

10/10/2006 | F*cking Shanks and Ikkaku

suck. F*cking Shanks and Ikkaku suck. F*cking Shanks and Ikkaku suck.

12/10/2006 | fargus12

the thing about no holds barred is everyone focuses on the fact that on the surface this is a film about a guy called rip who is a pro wrestler but it is much much deeper than that.

Zeus is is zeus......that is why the ring is an octagon and nor a square...the octagon represents the famous german philospher hans von schribenbecks theory of the 8 sides of the human psyche.

when rip says "you build bigger walls than I ever could" he is talking about the pathetic small wall he is attempoting to build around his soul to shelter him from his true being...if he could build walla as big as ms moore than zeus wouldn;t be a problem anymore but he can't...not until he has faced zeus in the ring of his soul (the octagon)

There is a scene where rip says the immortal line "harley an' me and you in the tree"

Who hasn;t thought that before when faced with a real threat?

The film is an absolute masterpiece.

Plus we have been given the gift of hogan crying at his borthers bedside after zeus has almost killed him...the grief is real because as a method like hogan can appreciate he is not just in shock at his brothers prediciment but he also knows deep in his soul that he has done this to his own blood.

rip is zeus...zeus is rip.....

14/11/2006 | Tlaloc

I'm a stupid moron.

14/11/2006 | Tlaloc

I suck. I suck so hard.

15/11/2006 | Tlaloc

I like big cock.

15/11/2006 | .ogre.

You fake tlaloc from 3 lasts posts, don mess with friend taloc or else I will chase ya and smash ya!!!

15/11/2006 | .tree.

Yeah, that isn't very nice

22/11/2006 | Fake Tlaloc from last 3 to 5 posts ago

Disregard that, I suck cocks.

22/11/2006 | Fake Tlaloc

Ogre, I look forward to our meeting.

23/11/2006 | .tree.

yeah ogre you smellyface.
don't protect tlaloc. he doesn't even love you as much as he does to me physically

23/11/2006 | .ogre.

I bet youre either f*cking shanks or ikkaku

28/11/2006 | Fred

actually i'm Fred, having a lol. who's ikkaku anyway?

29/11/2006 | F*cking Shanks

I am you b*tch!

29/11/2006 | .ogre.

Go away idiot

04/12/2006 | Tlaloc

why are so many people using this page to flame?

08/12/2006 | Tlaloc

more to the point why are you even alive?

10/12/2006 | Tlaloc

who are you?

10/12/2006 | Tlaloc

i'm tlaloc.

10/12/2006 | Tlaloc

no you're not, i am.

10/12/2006 | Tlaloc

no, i am

11/12/2006 | Albion_Vega

Oh you silly dear, in what kind of trouble are you in now? Let me call _Sliver_ and the gang as soon you and Null will fall down :).

11/12/2006 | Tlaloc

your grammar is really poor.

14/12/2006 | _Sliver_

Bien mi burrita mayor MasterShak, te cayò el veinte con ese pinche mariguano ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja.

07/01/2007 | ryan

So this is the place everyone keeps talking of...? You guys really want trouble hey?

26/01/2007 | ryan

I find it humourous i post here long after the whole thing ended

13/03/2007 | HEPG

I also agree with you guys that F*cking Shanks sucks.

13/03/2007 | Sydlexia

These days, homophobia is becoming less and less acceptable. It's still safe to hate on the gays in frat houses and whiskey bars, but an increasing number of people are disgusted by that sort of ignorance and intolerance and many of them are girls. So while it's still cool to tell your wingman that playing DDR will turn him queer, you should always be ready to prove that you don't hate polesmokers in case some super hot, super sensitive chick gets all up in your business about it. And what's the best way to show a girl you're not a homophobe? Easy: hang out with one guy who's gay. Like, really REALLY gay. If you're friends with a giant fairy, no girl can ever accuse you of being a hater. In fact, she'll probably be so impressed when she finds out you have a gay friend that she'll blow you right there. In Zelda, consorting with giant faeries is even more beneficial. Some of them will restore your health, some of them will upgrade your items, but the coolest faerie of all will give you the ability to carry more bombs and arrows. That's right, getting the ability to carry more bombs is better than getting head. You know why? Because if you're carrying enough bombs, you can pretty much get all the head you want anyway.

22/03/2007 | ryan

Really, it is I rjxsapri®. Stop this nonsense.

12/04/2007 | F*cking Shanks

Fuck you rjxsapri®!

17/04/2007 | Futch58

I am Futch58 from and I am a dounce. I suck my own ass everyday.

21/04/2007 | weird

this place has become a haven for those with an axe to grind. how sad yet hilarious

17/05/2007 | weird

Oh and Fucking Shanks and Ikkaku suck.

31/05/2007 | F*cking Shanks

I suck

25/06/2007 | F*cking Shanks

I am still a moron.

12/07/2007 | mmmaymmm

what the hell is this? Who's publishing my name and email on the internet in some Italian(?)-like language?

18/07/2007 | Truth

When the charge of "homophobia" is made, it signifies that those making the accusation do not have reasoned responses to their critics, so they switch to portraying their critics as irrational rather than responding to their arguments.

23/07/2007 | Anonymous

Natalie Portman hasn't been worth a damn since 1994

I almost wish she'd never made another movie besides Leon...

I mean....a Hotaru-esque loli who has no problems with hitmen and understands...I mean...she UNDERSTOOD.

Now she's just a communist, left wing liberal jewess....

Goddammit....why does everyone always have to ruin shit....and Garden State


Natalie go back to 1994 and be the girl we all fell in love with

24/07/2007 | yo

Pinche Octavio_Pace está medio safado el wey. La neta me he dado cuenta que aquí entra mucho pendejo que no sabe leer o que le da weba leer los comentarios completos y luego andan escribiendo pura pendejada que ni al caso... esa es la situación de la lombricilla y del octavio...
de dónde salió ese wey??? es bien nefasto el cabrón, ha de ser familiar del snake... pinche bola de burros que no saben inglés, español, geografía ni ortografía... seguramente nada de matemáticas ni ciencias exactas..

saludos a la banda chingona :)

a la verga par de putos!!!!

15/08/2007 | OtakuKawaii86 Dec 13, 2006, 10:15:16 AM

You quiero ver MAS picturas de Joey! ^.^

21/08/2007 | La puta de wolfspirit se llama

Vale González

31/08/2007 | gnosticosion

Goku es la representacion en anime de lo que fue Jesús en la tierra ejemplo: era un ser de otro planeta, inocente, justo, muy humano y protector de la tierra y sus seres.
La clave es por que si es la representacion de Jesús, tubo hijos, sera acaso que Jesús también, y que quien lo escribió lo puso con la intención de que las persona que la vieran, lo descubrieran. De hecho goku termina siendo un dios junto con el dios omnipotente de los chinos y japoneses como lo es el dragón, osea Jesús a la diestra, o uno con su padre o creador... bueno ese es mi pensamiento. goku y Jesús los mas perfectos seres creados....

19/09/2007 | Dan Schelp

Hi, I hope this is the right place to send a comment on Dragonball Z...I'm a missionary for the Lutheran Church in Kyrgyzstan, a small country in Central Asia. I've been looking for several months for a web page talking about the relationship of Christianity to Dragonball Z. I was disappointed to finally find your website and then discover that it advises parents to keep their children away from Dragonball Z because of references to magic, demons, etc. Let me tell you my story....

About the same time I became a fan of the anime Dragonball Z I started thinking seriously about going on this mission. I was especially attracted to the conflict between pride and honor (as represented by the character Vegeta) and love and duty (as represented by the hero Goku). It was especially meaningful to me because of my own conflict regarding the reasons I would go on this mission; whether it was for my own pride and glory, or whether I was really doing it out of a love for God and his people. It would be overstating it to say that Dragonball Z caused me to take this mission, but it did help me in making this decision.

I'm also surprised that no one before now (to the best of my knowledge) has commented on the parallels between Dragonball and Jesus Christ:

* The virgin birth of Jesus, and Goku's introduction to the world as an orphan from a distant planet.
* The sinless nature of both Jesus and Goku (there are numerous references throughout Dragonball to the purity of Goku's spirit).
* Both Jesus and Goku have disciples (for Goku it's the Z fighters).
* Goku is the "savior" of the world (in the movie Bardock: Father of Goku, there is a reference to Goku that "A Savior is born").
* Goku dies in his efforts to save the world, and is brought back to life so he can complete his mission.
Goku, in describing himself to Freeza, makes several comments worthy of the Son of Man; e.g., "I am the light to the darkness."
* Gohan, Goku's son, is half Saiyan/half man, a clear parallel to the dual nature of Christ as being both true God and true man. Gohan, too, is pure and innocent of nature.
* Goku's disciples admit that they would continue to be evil if not for the intervention of Goku.
* Gohan, when Goku comes to confront Freeza, tells his father, "I believe in you."
* Goku again sacrifices himself to save the world from Cell. Vegeta, representing our human nature, cannot understand his sacrifice, but is humbled by it, and admits that his love of pride and honor cannot compare.

Now I am certainly not implying that Akira Toriyama wrote Dragonball with Jesus in mind, but the number of parallels cannot be ignored. The pure number of these similarities rivals those of both the movie The Matrix and C.S. Lewis's Chronicles of Narnia, both of which were written to intentionally parallel the story of Jesus.

But I also have another bone to the course of my dealings with fellow missionaries I constantly run into similar criticism of the Harry Potter books, The Lord of the Rings, etc; i.e., they deal in witchcraft and demonology. However, these same people hold up their beloved Chronicles of Narnia as a Christian and praiseworthy text. However, there are many instances of sorcery, magic, mythical creatures and animism to be found. And, if you defend the work by making the argument that the magic is used just for the benefit of evil people, then explain the wizard who ruled over the Puddleglums and who helped Lucy(?) (where's my copy of Prince Caspian when I need it?) use magic to turn them visible again. If we used the same razor sharp criteria to pick apart Narnia as we do to critique Dragonball, I think it would suffer the same fate (come on, Mr. Satan? It's a phonetic spelling of the Japanese character's name, and is edited out of the American tv show).

This is what I think...these books are fantasy, and fantasy is not in itself evil. Fantasy fuels imagination, and imagination helps us consider the truly staggering concepts of good and (yes) evil. I think Jesus asked us constantly to use our imagination when he spoke to us in his parables. Any way, I like Dragonball Z and I find value in it, and one of our Pastors here can't get enough of it and waits patiently for my monthly shipments from home to find out what happened next to Goku and gang....

16/06/2016 | We still believe F*cking Shanks sucks

f*cking shanks sucks.

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